It's been a while since I have felt like I can write, thus the photos and prewritten speeches. All through these last years and especially these past few weeks I have been completely overwhelmed by the love, kindness and support that Jon and I have received from everyone in our lives. Next week I start the process of writing the many thank you notes I need to give to each of you individually, but I just need to say to everyone right now deeply I appreciate each and everyone of you who have helped in a hundred different ways. I'm not sure words can every express the gratitude I feel.

For Christmas this year Jon gave me a cashiers check to buy myself a carbon frame road bike. Yesterday Lori B and I went to the bike shop and did some test-riding. I felt like I was flying on a bike that you could lift with one finger and that Jon knew I would enjoy. I cried most of our bike ride and on the drive home (new bike in tow). This time of year is most difficult because it was the time Jon and I did all the things we loved together. Fall was mostly hunting but Jon actually tried downhill skiing in the winter during the last couple years. He was really terrible at it:)

Today I got into our backpacking gear and for the first time packed my own backpack. It was something Jon always did for me. The kids and I made the trek to Greenwater Lakes in honor of Jon and to find a place to put the park bench we are dedicating in his memory in lieu of a headstone. We found our way nearly to the trailhead (big accomplishment for me) but unfortunately the gate was closed and the road was covered in snow. I know if Jon would have been there he would have moved the gate and drove us through the snow but I'm just not quite that brave in my Lexus and without him. Instead we had a walk along the river and a picnic lunch. It was a good opportunity to have some time alone with my children to talk about everything. When we got home we all made a nice dinner for my mom and then watched Mama Mia. I can't remember the last time I had Mother's Day with my Mom since they live so far away. I was a very special day.

I do have some good days from time to time but mostly at some part of the day it still hits me like a ton of bricks and every cell in my body aches for him.