My Last Entry

On Thursday, August 27, 2009 we dedicated a park bench at Mt. Peak in Enumclaw in Jon's honor. The bench is in lieu of a headstone, a much more fitting memorial to a man like Jon. He loved to hike Mt. Peak, or I should say loved to run it with a backpack full of weights! We hiked it often together and I also used it to train for our backpacking so I could try to keep up with him when he returned from Alaska.

When I started this project I had a difficult time deciding where to place the bench. Anyone who knew Jon would say that he wanted the bench at the top and insist everyone made it that one mile, straight up to see it. However, I wanted it to be accessible to everyone so that each of us would have a place to be with him. I compromised by placing the bench near the trail head with a plaque that had his name, dates, and "See You at the Top." At the top of the mountain will be another plaque on a post that also has his name and dates with "Life is Not a Spectator Sport"

Most of the Nichols family was in attendance and we had a small dedication ceremony which consisted of the reading of Jon's favorite poem from "The Spell of the Yukon" by Robert Service and a prayer I had found tucked away in his desk. We also sang Amazing Grace then a few of us hiked to the top.

I hope that everyone will stop by to see the bench, hike the mountain and pay tribute to an incredible man.

How Do I Feel???

For weeks everyone has been asking me how I feel and I finally came up with an accurate description....

I feel like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz that has been sucked up in a Tornado for the last 3 years and just got dropped in the middle of Kansas. Hard to know what to do next.

I continue to be appreciative of all of the love and support given to me by my friends, family, colleagues and coworkers. You all continue to inspire me and will help me figure out this Yellow Brick Road

Today was a better day.

Grief

Grief is the strangest emotion. It is like every negative emotion you could possibly have all tied into one; sadness, loss, fear, loneliness, emptiness, anger, frustration, depression, and anxiety. I don't like it.

Some people have commented to me that they are surprised that I'm already back to work and taking care of (Jon's) business. It's not easy, but Jon wouldn't have it any other way and neither can I.

It's been a while since I have felt like I can write, thus the photos and prewritten speeches. All through these last years and especially these past few weeks I have been completely overwhelmed by the love, kindness and support that Jon and I have received from everyone in our lives. Next week I start the process of writing the many thank you notes I need to give to each of you individually, but I just need to say to everyone right now deeply I appreciate each and everyone of you who have helped in a hundred different ways. I'm not sure words can every express the gratitude I feel.

For Christmas this year Jon gave me a cashiers check to buy myself a carbon frame road bike. Yesterday Lori B and I went to the bike shop and did some test-riding. I felt like I was flying on a bike that you could lift with one finger and that Jon knew I would enjoy. I cried most of our bike ride and on the drive home (new bike in tow). This time of year is most difficult because it was the time Jon and I did all the things we loved together. Fall was mostly hunting but Jon actually tried downhill skiing in the winter during the last couple years. He was really terrible at it:)

Today I got into our backpacking gear and for the first time packed my own backpack. It was something Jon always did for me. The kids and I made the trek to Greenwater Lakes in honor of Jon and to find a place to put the park bench we are dedicating in his memory in lieu of a headstone. We found our way nearly to the trailhead (big accomplishment for me) but unfortunately the gate was closed and the road was covered in snow. I know if Jon would have been there he would have moved the gate and drove us through the snow but I'm just not quite that brave in my Lexus and without him. Instead we had a walk along the river and a picnic lunch. It was a good opportunity to have some time alone with my children to talk about everything. When we got home we all made a nice dinner for my mom and then watched Mama Mia. I can't remember the last time I had Mother's Day with my Mom since they live so far away. I was a very special day.

I do have some good days from time to time but mostly at some part of the day it still hits me like a ton of bricks and every cell in my body aches for him.

Kristi. Lorri, and Wyatt at the Top of Mt. Peak

Making Grandpa proud!

Just In Case Anyone Has Wondered If Being Married To Jon Has Changed Me In Anyway :)