This week has been an emotional roller coaster for all of us. Jon felt pretty good most of last week and we enjoyed our visit with Staci. Our friend, Martin, also came into town for a few hours, just long enough to hunt a little duck with Jon. I am grateful Jon has discovered the famous "Duck Club", it gives him something enjoyable to do that is easy and relaxing. Every guest he has taken along just raves about it (even Kelsey who really isn't much of a hunter.) I haven't made the trek to Roy with him yet but was planning to do so in the next few weeks.

Friday night we went to Levi and Ericka's for dinner. Staci had been cooking up a storm during her visit and she treated us to some shrimp ceviche and all of the weeks leftovers. We also had the opportunity that night to discuss our estate planning and any potential memorial services. Although the conversation was long overdue I found it extremely difficult and couldn't hold back my tears. I am as bad as Jon when it comes to showing any kind of weakness so I try to avoid it all costs, especially when the one thing he asked of me is to be strong and to try to keep our lives as normal as possible (I guess that's two things). There is something about having that discussion when someone is seriously ill that makes you feel like we are all giving up. I know that isn't the case, but it is still how it feels. We ironed out a lot of details and had some clarity on Jon's wishes for the future. He felt pretty crummy that night, the next day, and was unable to attend my office Christmas party. He did perk up on Sunday and was back at the duck blind (hmmm...funny how that works!). I have been on a crying jag ever since. It initially disturbed me but I have decided to make peace with the process and just cry until I'm done.

Our dear friend, Lori Belienski, escorted Jon to chemo #3. They have a unique relationship and enjoyed each others company. Lori did an excellent job of monitoring Jon, taking notes, and instructing me on my duties for the week. When they first drew Jon's blood his counts were so low they were not going to administer chemotherapy at all. They decided to recheck and although the WBC, RBCs, hemoglobin, hematocrit, and platelets were low they were in an acceptable range to proceed with chemo. The day seemed to go well and Jon was in good spirits. When I met him in the driveway he was sitting in his truck so I went into the house to finish up dinner. He sometimes will sit out there and talk on his phone if he's in the middle of a conversation so I didn't think much of it until 15 minutes went by and he didn't come in. When I went out to check on him he was shivering and sick. I filled our bed with hot water bottles and heating pads so he could come in and get under the covers. He vomitted a few times before he got out of his truck and went straight to bed in his jeans and down coat. I stayed with him until he stopped shivering and fell asleep. He's been sleeping soundly ever since. Kelsey was kind enough to clean up his truck.

His liver and abdominal cavity are becoming increasingly large. We cannot tell if it is the tumors swelling from the chemo as it does its job or the cancer growing. Jon is seriously considering moving forward with the Y90 isotopes in the liver if we don't see some significant change in the next week. That may be the best option to control the liver and then return to chemotherapy to get the rest. Every day brings a new challenge but as sick as he is tonight he can wake up tomorrow feeling good and go off to the Duck Club. It is quite a ride.

So the moral of the story is to please continue to pray for all of us; for strength, wisdom, guidance and most of all, perseverance.